I’m alive!


Sorry for the radio silence the last couple weeks — stuff has been BUSY! But now I’m on vacation up in Michigan and it’s glorious!

View of Lake Michigan from our deck
View of Lake Michigan from our deck

In just a day, I feel so unwound. I have the space and time to sleep in, breathe, do all the exercise and eating I want to, enjoy a beer, read, study for biochemistry, answer some work emails, write a blog post or two and really spend time with A, my brother and my brother’s girlfriend.

I’m really happy to have this downtime because this past week was a pretty tough one for me. In addition to a really busy work week for both myself and A, a biochemistry exam to study for (on which, I received a 63%, which I was pretty upset about until I found out that the average was a 60%, so I guess I didn’t do *too* badly), and just a lot of other general nuttiness, dealing with my running injury has been taking up a lot of time, too. Two hour+ long physical therapy appointments a week, plus a couple chiropractic appointments, plus physical therapy homework, plus actual workout time = a lot of freakin’ time! I’m happy to put in all this time to get me where I want to be, but this week I was really bumming about the lack of ability to run.

Running is my escape from all the stress of life, it’s my outlet, my time to reconnect to myself, both body and mind. Additionally, it’s a big social outlet for me as well, so when I’m not running I find myself feeling lonely and depressive pretty quickly. This past week that all hit me really hard and I found myself on the verge of tears on more than one occasion over stuff that I would normally just let slide or laugh off.  I even almost burst into tears in front of my PT when I asked if he thought I’d be able to run a 7 mile run next weekend (The One Run; I signed up for the Newton to the finish line leg) and he said he thought it wasn’t very realistic. I sort of knew the answer before I asked it, so I should have been prepared, but hearing that out loud still felt like a punch in the gut. I think he sensed that a little bit, because he followed that up with telling me he thought I’d be able to make it up to three miles this week.

I was skeptical and actually a little scared to push it, but you know what? I made it to three miles yesterday with no pain at all and then, this morning, I made it to four — four WHOLE (slow) miles — with only a little bit of pain right at the end. And they were hilly! I have been so excited all day! Shouting it from the rooftops!

Slow, sure. But it's longer than 2 miles!
Slow, sure. But it’s longer than 2 miles!

Both yesterday and today were the kind of runs that made me remember why I fell in love with running in the first place. I’m alone with my breath and my heartbeat and my footfalls on a dirt trail through the woods. I can feel all of the sinews in my body pulling and pushing to propel me forward, I can feel the electricity of my nerve impulses, the rushing of my blood through the tiniest of capillaries. Everything working in tandem to make each footfall happen, to keep me upright, to keep me in motion. It’s in that trance-like connection to my physical self that I feel completely whole, connected to the sun and the earth and all of the other complex souls that make up this life.

Thank you, Universe, for granting me this respite today. I promise to continue working hard to earn these moments!


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